I AM SO STUPIDLY HAPPY!!!!
I haven't felt this way in such a long time.
My heart feels like it's too big for my chest.


The Magnetic Fields-69 Love Songs.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I COULD BE SEEING WOLF PARADE RIGHTNOW FOR FREE BUT I'M NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT FUUUUUCK MYYYYYY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEEE I'M GOING FOR A WALK. UUUUGHHHHh.

Contemplating the End of the World.

Berlin. Happiest I've ever been.

Right now, even though my sinuses are bursting out of my skull and I'm coughing up mucous like a sick animal, I'm so content....I'm sitting in the cutest restaurant/cafe called Rootz with a heaping spinach/lentil burger and raspberry lime smoothie in a sunny window in Berlin. I never want to leave this place. Tomorrow I fly to meet Julie in Athens and the travels will continue.

The only thing marring my perfect time is that I'm missing both Meursault album debuts, in Glasgow and Edinburgh. Those are going to be so epic.

Välkomnande till Sverige!

Some things I've learned in Sweden:

Losing your voice doesn't effect the language barrier that greatly.

Behind all marvelous inventions is an equally marvelous mustache. (Nobel Museum)
(How's that for an inadvertently sexist comment? Fuck you and your legit mustaches and Nobel prize winning inventions. Your museum is boring.)

The Nobel Museum is best for it's children's exhibit. Don't expect to understand much else.

Even the bins in Sweden look nice.

Swedish girls will always be more beautiful.

Swedish boys will always be more fashionable.

Can't escape tabloid photos of Sandra Bullock. The fascination is beyond me....has she had work done?

American Apparel, still fabulous, still overpriced.

Whitney Houston and Rod Stewart will both be touring here this summer.

Swedish fish taste better in Sweden.

Avoid the hard red candy. It is most likely filled with battery acid.

"Sometimes it happens within you when you go home at night, in the dark." (kulturhuset in the centre)

Even though Stockholm is a city of 4million, it is still possible to run into your friends in line for a toilet, in a McDonald's, in
a completely random part of the city.

"The soul abides in the heart, which rules the body." -Aristotle (kulturhuset in the centre)

Everything, literally everything, is more eco friendly in Sweden.

The tap for water in the bathroom is attached to the shower head. Très chic.

Also, there is no differentiation between the floor of the shower and the floor of the bathroom. Très chic(2).

Spring Break

March 31-Stockholm, Sweden.
April 4-Berlin, Germany
April 8-Athens, Greece
approx April 13-Istanbul, Turkey

Depart Istanbul on the 21st, fly to London, layover: 2 hours, fly back to Edinburgh.

SO.EXCITED.

Friday night it was like 2am and I was walking to Sneaky Pete's on my own to meet Chris when this pedicab guy drove by and offered me a lift! It was so nice, he buckled my seat belt and put a blanket on me. He studies music at Napier and he's in a band or something. EYO FREE RIDEZ

Meeting Chris at Sneaky's was fun and when the club closed we were making out on the Tollcross street corner like children, so in the best interest of all the passersby, I invited him over. I love snuggling. We woke up, separated for an hour and then met up again to head to the Diane Arbus exhibit at the Dean Gallery. The exhibit was SO GOOD. Arbus is fucking amazing and her work is so inspirational. I love looking at art with Chris! He is such a lovely person. It's crazy that after this week, I won't see him until mid-May because I don't get back from Spring break until two days after he leaves on a month long tour.

Later in the day I went out onto the Meadows and read books with Eric. It was the nicest day I've had in a while.
Saturday night was fucking nuts. Rugby was on all day, Scotland beat Ireland, so we're no longer last in the Six Nations! and then England played France. The girls and I met up with Fraz and his friends at this new Irish pub called Malones and were treated to about a thousand drinks and shots. I was fucking hammered and went to Sneaky's with Mike, but then he left me. Sarah and some of her friends came out, so I wasn't by myself, but then I ended up with Calum, which was really awkward.

But then I met up with Zoe from camp and we went to lunch, it was so great to see her!

Works in Progress.

Things I'm looking forward to:
The Diane Arbus Exhibit at the Dean Gallery, for FREE.
Rebecca and Erin getting to Scotland!
The completion of my downloads: Breakfast at Tiffany's, Harold & Maude, Fear & Loathing, and the Graduate.

Self-imposed isolation. I haven't left my room today, except to walk into the kitchen.

I have watched 2.5 movies and a short film and I have eaten my way through an apple, 2 oranges, a frozen pizza and 4 chocolate biscuits. As well as a glass of orange juice and a cup of tea. I ran in place in front of my computer for about 15 minutes. I have been wearing running clothes all day. As if to prepare myself for exercise, but I never made it outside. It is now almost 10pm. What am I doing?

There is still so much I need to tell you about blog.

Examples:
I went to Prague
and I went to see Beach House open for Grizzly Bear
and I went against all my scheduling and spent a glorious day in bed

Side Note: people here assume that as a 'Virginian' I'm 5 seconds away from pulling out a shotgun and shooting my dinner out of a tree. I told someone I was from Virginia and was promptly asked about "ho-downs."

People are constantly giving Americans shit about geography. I got a phone call tonight from a friend in my class, and he said that he and his friends were playing a pub game called "name all 50 of the United States," sounds fun right? I was out and not really in the mood to talk, seeing as I was in a pub trying to have a good time and he was like "OH! VIRGINIA IS A STATE?! I thought it was just a city in your county!!! Weird" SERIOUSLY?

Fairly often I've been critiqued for being American and am constantly told "Oh! You don't LOOK American." Initially, I was flattered, but now....First of all, what the hell does that mean? Is there some ignorant, obese American cookie cutter shape that we're all supposed to step into before we leave the country?

America is a beautiful place! Full of educated, wonderful, smart, and creative, kind people. There are ignorant, fat douche bags there too, but those people exist everywhere. I really never thought I would feel so protective of America. Europe is a dream, and I'm in love with this place, but I wish that people wouldn't let stereotypes shape their judgement.

"There’s a quality of legend about freaks.  Like a person in a fairy tale who stops you and demands that you answer a riddle.  Most people go through life dreading they’ll have a traumatic experience.  Freaks were born with their trauma.  They’ve already passed their test in life.  They’re aristocrats."
–Diane Arbus

Diane Arbus used a Rolleiflex twin lens.

I have a Rolleiflex twin lens. Too bad mine is in America.





Backtracking is hard for me, I would rather keep moving forward, but there is much I have to tell you sweet little blog. Much you have missed out on.

I'll start with today.
Today was glorious! First of all, the weather was stunning, it's finally starting to stay light longer and it was warm and sunshiney and just a beautiful day in general. Secondly, the Scotland vs. England rugby match was today so Edinburgh had about 10 times more people in it than usual and plenty of them were in costume, loud, drunk and boisterous...that's not necessarily a highlight, but it happened, so it's worth mentioning. For a moment, I was one of those people, but then my buzz wore off and now here I am. Still content. Oh, and I was never dressed up.

Anyways, I went to a lecture this afternoon, Peter something or other, who was speaking on behalf of Diane Arbus. He was actually a close contact of hers in the UK. He read from letters she wrote him and it was amazing to hear his point of view. I knew so little about Diane Arbus, except what everybody seems to know, that she photographed the freaks of society. Interestingly, she hated this label. She was brilliant though, and had amazing ideas. One of her series was "Fat Girls Holiday Camp," where she basically went to fat camps and photographed the young girls. The images are genius. She did another feature called "People who Think they look like Famous People" and put an add out in a news paper calling for these people to turn up and get their photos taken. See what I mean? She's amazing. I had no idea. But anyways, her exhibit is here in Edinburgh for the time being and I think I'm going to go see it.

I left the lecture and bought beer and pizza and headed to Mike's to watch the Rugby match. I navigated the bus system flawlessly. pow! pow! I feel like I'm finally getting my bearings a bit around Edinburgh. Although, I led Jaime in the wrong direction tonight, oops, but I autocorrected, successfully.

The match ended up in a draw, with each team scoring 15 points. tooo bad. Scotland is the lowest ranking team in the Six Nations. Oh well, I love Scotland the best regardless. Watching rugby is really entertaining...mostly because of how fitted the uniforms are...

Fast forward, here I am...dressed up, with my new straight across bangs and cute shirt, blogging, on a Saturday night. I'm downloading a movie that I looked up on a film blog and I just ate a whole container of soy yogurt. I needed to save the money, but I really wanted to go to the Wee Red Bar, damnit. My friends are all either in London, on a stupid pub crawl or at the Hive...would you willingly step into Hell? That's how I feel about the Hive. That's also how I currently feel about Pub Crawls. Oh well, it's nice to be in and have some 'me' time.

I wish I was in Fife at the music festival with Chris! I just want to put my feet in sand and see the ocean! I really need to travel around Scotland more. In my head I'm changing my summer plans to less Europe and more Scotland. There are so many places I want to see in this country. I want to go to the Isle of Skye and Lewis and the Islay and Isla and I want to go to the Orkney Islands and the Highlands! So much. but I also want to go to Spain, Morocco, the Netherlands, Italy, Egypt, India, etc. Spring Break I'll be in Stockholm, Sweden, Berlin, Germany, Athens, Greece and Istanbul, Turkey. I'm so soso excited! I just need to figure out when I'll be able to do all of my school work. Shite.

Today was charmed. I had a wonderful time with Chris, we met around 2 and spent the day at a gallery on the east side of Princes Street called the Fruitmarket Gallery. The artist showing was Toby Paterson, a painter/installation artist, who works with pretty limited color and a lot of geometric marks. The work was cool, some pieces stood out and others blended in for me. Chris and I had a really nice chat in the gallery cafe and then left to hit some shoe stores looking for trainers. No success there, but we had awesome sandwiches at this small tea house (the same place Mike's friend was showing photographs) and then we went to the Filmhouse to see the new Jean-Pierre Jeunet film, Micmacs, and It was phenomenal. It was definitely one of the most beautifully shot films I've ever seen. It was about arms dealers and their misuse of power, etc, but it mostly followed this one man and his assorted family of uniquely talented people who set out to teach the arms dealers a lesson. It was just so perfect. I had such a wonderful time; hanging out with Chris is really easy, I'm looking forward to a really solid friendship.

I stopped by Benny and Daves on the way home to check out what was going on in terms of the Olympic Canada vs. America ice hockey game. I was surprised to see about 50 people packed into Benny's room all glued to the tv. It was about 50% Americans and 50% Canadians so the tension was high. I couldn't care less about ice hockey, I just wanted to get home and fiddle with photoshop and images, but I got trapped in a corner and it was nice to be around friends for a moment. The US was down 2-1 with 24 seconds on the board, when they managed to score. It was ridiculous, everyone flipped out. When I decided to head home, moments before overtime began, people commented on my timing. I prefer sports with more exposed skin.

Had a jolly chat with Adam on the tellyphone tonight, we're two peas in a pod when it comes to our senses of humor. I feel like I'm settling into a really nice niche in terms of making friends. I'm really happy where I am right now.

Why does it feel like there are hell demons trying to scrape out my insides?

Merriment and Wonder

The previous post is for yesterday!

Today the theme of good vibes and happiness played out even further. I woke up at 10, early for someone who championed like 8 drinks the night before, I'm sure the caffeine had something to do with it, but I had all this energy and the sun was shining and it was just such a beautiful awakening! I heard Julie in her room and we sat in bed for a moment recapping the hilarity that was the night before and then we decided to climb Arthur's Seat, which is the mini-mountain that I can see from my bedroom window. We made breakfast first, omeletes and beans and toast and then hit the road for the peak! We walked through a really cute area of town, past the Edinburgh Uni housing and up to the base of the mini mt! the climb is mostly steep stone steps which makes it easy to get up, but it's quite steep so I was panting shortly after we started. It felt so good to move my body though! The sun was brilliant and I hope my skin appreciated the chance to soak up the Vitamin D it desperately needs.

WE MADE IT TO THE TOP! in about 45 minutes and I got to feast my eyes on the most beautiful 360 degree view of Edinburgh. It's just wonderful. The water stretches out on one side, and the city sneaks up close to it. It was such a wonderful moment to be up there at the top. Julie is an awesome addition to my life here, I'm so glad she's my flatmate. She's a really cool person, really into the more natural aspects of living and being. We had some good chats. We headed back down the mountain in a different direction and spent a total of about 3 1/2 hours total walking and hiking and walking. It was a really great way to spend the afternoon.

When we got home I called Eric because yesterday we made plans to go back to this used bookstore on the way to the Grassmarket. It's such an awesome bookstore....books floor to ceiling and it smells just exactly the way you would expect a used bookstore to smell. I discovered an awesome section of Occult books and I found this great one called Beautiful Painted Arrow. It's a collection of Native American stories and advice and lore on the way to live. There are instructions on meditation and exercises for harmonizing your spirit and soul. Must have. I also got a small book called On Bullfighting, by a Scottish writer. The first sentence captured me.

"O that mortal science were in as fair a way of improvement, that men would cease to be wolves to one another, and that human beings would at length learn what they now improperly call humanity." -Ben Franklin, 1780

The first time I went into this bookstore I bought Breakfast at Tiffany's and Li Po and Tu Fu. The latter is a collection by two of Chinas greatest poets. It's really great, I think I'll read it and send it to Chardin. It seems like something he would enjoy.

Stopped at Real Foods as well, the miniature version of Ellwood Thompsons. Bought peanuts, popcorn kernels, and tempeh. Julie and I are going to make a peanut sauce, tempeh, cous cous, mushroom, broccoli, grean bean concoction of deliciousness. Yummy yum yum. Then we're going to make homemade popcorn and eat apples and watch movies. Today has been the best day ever. I feel wholly productive and valid and I love myself.

Highlights of the coming up week:
Show tomorrow, Monday, the 22nd. Chris's band Meursault, with Xiu Xiu...both bands are fucking TIGHT! and I get to see Chris again!

Tuesday, Tarkovsky film, Mirrors, showing at the Filmhouse, hopefully going with Adam from class! Should be great!
Friday, Chris and I are hopefully going to go and see the new film by the director of Amelie.

Hopefully this week will turn out as great as it looks on paper. I am full of love.

Serendipity!

I've had just a wonderful and memorable and happy 48 hours. Probably some of my best hours yet spent in Scotland.

First let me start with the fact that I have been alternating listening to Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and the Magnetic Fields for the past few days and I'm very happy with this.

Yesterday, through SCENIC, the student organisation I went on a bus trip through the Highlands of Scotland. We went to a town called Oban on the western coast of the country. It was absolutely stunning. We saw Loch Lomond and the water was more still and reflective than glass. I struggled to get nice photos through the bus windows. We walked around Oban for a few hours, it's such a quaint, picturesque town. I fell in love. It's right on the water, somehow the colors just seemed more saturated. The blues were stunning and everything just seemed to glisten.

On the bus trip back the conversation was flowing, even though we were all tired. I spent the majority of the day with Jaime, Rebecca & Shannon, and Kyle and Eric. It was just a beautiful day.

When we got back I decided that I wanted to go dancing, as usual. I convinced Jaime to come out and we met with Rebecca and headed to a pub called Rush. It's a tacky student attraction, but they serve drinks for one pound every night. So, I had 5 drinks. The deal is just too tempting. Irn Bru and vodka? Yes please. We left then, and headed to a club called the Hive. The Hive was hideous. It was packed with pre-teens and the music was shite. It was an eclectic mix of Greenday, Journey, Blink 182, and the Blackeyed Peas. No thank you. In the midst of the writhing teens who were probably out celebrating a mates 18th birthday I was backed into a conversation about my favorite band by an oversized, sweating giant with a polo shirt. I declined from talking about the subject, and he looked at me, confused and then shouted over the drum and bass..."well, is your favorite band Greenday?" I think I said "I can't do this," and walked away.

We left then and went around the street to Sneaky Petes, a club with a tiny dancefloor and decent music. Fraz and Collin were there, Mike's friends who took Jaime and I snowboarding and they are great! This is where the story gets really good. We had been at the club for about 20 -30 minutes when I look up and who is standing directly in my line of sight? CHRIS! Chris Bryant!
The friend that Sandra went to and artist gathering with and introduced me to over the internet, we've been communicating for months now, but hadn't yet managed to follow through with a plan. I'm sure my jaw dropped to the floor! I was so shocked and excited to see him!!!! And boy is he CUTE! He was nervous, which was adorable and we danced together the rest of the night...I pulled out all my really successful dance moves, like the robot arm, etc. It was a really good time. I sort of lost track of everything, all my other memories are hazy somehow, it's weird. Jaime was there, and I remember Chris calling us sisters. Anyways, hours passed and it was such a good time, and we all left together because we live in similar directions, it was me and Jaime and Chris and a friend of his. We ended up stopping on the corner of TollCross and talking for another 30 minutes, it was just simply so wonderful. I still can't believe that we found each other inadvertently. I love serendipitous moments!

New Friend

Made a little friend in class today. We were watching films in my Dream Theory class today and the girl next to me, I think her name is Michelle, started acting strange and pointing at the floor. There was a little mouse! This little guy turned out to be the most brazen mouse I've ever seen in my life. For the next two hours it ran around the classroom gathering crumbs and sniffing our shoes. I turned the lights out for a final film and about 20 minutes later felt something on my leg. The little bugger used my legwarmer as a ladder and scurried all the way up to my knee. I had this spastic, silent seizure. I was trying to avoid the moment of being the weird, new girl in front of all my new classmates. It's a good thing that the little guy was so cute, otherwise I probably wouldn't have been able to contain my heebie-jeebies.

Shows I'm looking forward to:

February 6-Etienne de Crecy, Edinburgh @ HMV Picture House
February 10- Beach House, Glasgow @ King Tuts
February 13- Hot Chip, Edinburgh @ HMV Picture House
February 17- Los Campesinos, Edinburgh @ Bongo
February 22- Meursault, Edinburgh @ The Electric Circus
March 6- Passion Pit, Glasgow @ O2 ABC
March 9- Grizzly Bear, Edinburgh @ Queens Hall

Everything in Scotland is a similar shade of green. The graveyards are all ancient and covered with moss that is the same shade as the grass, and it grows on the trunks of the trees as well. It creates these amazing solid green landscapes.

Awash with Thoughts...

...hot with the fever.

My sinus infection is getting the better of me and damn it all i just want to watch Gossip Girl and my mac won't play .avi files. Curses.

In an attempt to be more thoughtful...

...and drink less alcohol.

I am going to take a walk today, alone, to try and arrive at a place I know, by taking a route that I don't.

Alright, so I need to post before I get carried away and don't do it for a while.

I haven't done a huge amount of exploring yet, so more to come and updates and everything.

Princes St. is the big shopping street that runs close to where I'm living, It's where I bought my pay as you go telephone. Unfortunately it's quite expensive to make calls and send texts and I'm blowing through my money rather quickly.

From Princes St. there is an amazing view of Edinburgh Castle, which I am dying to visit, because it's amazing! It's sitting right up on a cliff! and Edinburgh is built on a underground city! I'm going to go on a ghost tour soon! Apparently it's terrifying.

(Sorry for no pictures, I will get on that asap)

If all goes according to plan, I'm going to wake up in Scotland.

This weather is driving me crazy! 400 flights out of O'Hare have already been cancelled today due to snowstorms tearing across Chicago. Remind me why I'm traveling in the middle of winter?? Also, Scotland is having it's harshest winter in 30 years! Mike and Chris have been keeping me updated on the terrible weather I'll be flying into, while I'm trying to keep track of the terrible weather across Chicago. Wish me luck, I've got my fingers crossed that everything will be safe and on time.

My flight is set to last 7 hrs and 51 minutes. I will be traveling approximately 3900 miles. This is it, todays the day.

If all goes according to plan, I'm going to wake up tomorrow in Scotland.